The Attack of Bridezilla

"I have been stalked for many years by a helicopter...."

This is how one recent letter to Travel Alberta started off. And no surprise, it was written by a teacher. I have to come to believe, over the years, that most teachers go crazy. They go crazy because of the kids. Anyone who has met my mother (though I love her, she is a tad eccentric) or has ever dealt with Helen ChiChi will know what I'm talking about. It seems that "the kids" will eventually break your spirit and you'll wind up in a home. I'm not saying this to offend because indeed I have had some very positive teachers and met some very positive teachers, but it seemed to work as a nice segway into my actual discussion.... Bridezilla.

Anyone who has ever been a bridesmaid will understand me. In the blink of an eye your formerly nice sweet God-fearing friend has turned into a colossal bitch. They don't even know its happening and they don't mean to. For the most part. But something inside them snaps and suddenly the wedding is all you hear about. And if their wedding is not the first thing on your mind or your number one priority that automatically makes you the worst possible human being in the universe. At one recent famiily dinner we had to sit through Amanda and her mom going over boutoniere counts. I have been harassed for the past month to go pick up my dress because it seems that everything needs to be absolutely done at least 10 months prior to the actual wedding date. So today I went to go pick it up. It is UGLY. I'll try and take a picture of it and post it so you can all get an idea of how bad it is. It's orange. But not orange. More of a coral-hay- orange. With pink undertones. Looks like something Lucky would throw up. And it has sparkles. All I have heard for the past year is wedding, wedding, wedding. Mommy buy my wedding dress, mommy pay 5 thousand dollars for a photographer, mommy buy my wedding bands, mommy pay the caterer, mommy I need 2 wedding cakes, mommy make Sirina grow her hair out. I can't take it!

Please no one be offended if I just elope.....

A challenge

Okay, so I was just reading Jace's blog and it challenged me. So I'm doing it.

Instructions:Use the picture you like best from the first (no clicking around for 44 pages) page of the search results on Google Image.



1. The city and province of the town where you grew up, no quotation marks.



This is Edmonton. It's the city that tries to be cosmopolitan and sophisticated while mainting its small town charm. Just look at the LRT. We tried to be cosmopolitan and have an underground subway like New York, but we stopped after 7 stations.



2. The town where you currently reside.




I'm still in Edmonton. See above. I'll probably leave one day to go to school, but I'll come back. Good place to raise a family. Despite the daily stabbings and weekly murders.





3. Your name, first and last, but no quotes.



I too had to use just my first name. This is Sirina the cat. She lives in France and is 2 years old. Looks surprisingly like my cat Lucky.




4. Your grandmother's name.



My grandmother's name is Audrey. I never really got to know her, when I was younger my cousin Dustin was the favorite, and when I turned 12 she disowned me. Now she has Alzheimers and wouldn't know me from a hole in the wall. So I chose a very abstract picture.




5. Your favorite food.



I love Mexican Food. Mostly because it's spicy. I like spicy because I have a stomach of steel.I use Franks Hot Sauce like ketchup and I can eat greasy K-Days food and then go on the zipper right after. It's fantastic.



6. Your favorite drink.




I love cosmopolitans. Because they're pink. And yummy.



7. Your favorite smell.



Old Spice. It reminds me of my dad. But we won't get into that. That's a can of worms for a different day.




8. Your favorite song.



My late step father and I used to sing this Sophie B. Hawkins song, as I lay me down to sleep... and it has been my favourite song. It reminds me of him.

Drumroll Please...

For anyone wondering..... I won my court case. Or rather my father's court case. Apparently, he was livid, but that's to be expected. I wasn't there, I thought it best to avoid confrontation. Apparently he wants me to call him so he can talk to me "one last time". I kind of think its a baited trap. I spent all of last week trying to be unemotional and I approached it "like a boardgame" as Bob put it. I don't know when the emotions of it all will catch up with me, so I'm hoping to have a relaxed weekend. I know they will eventually catch up with me as the reality sets in. I'm just trying to stay zen which is why I've posted this picture. It's at Horseshoe lake in Jasper for anyone wondering, one of the most beautiful places I have ever been. I am trying to relive the feelings of tranquility I felt while I was there.

When you first come upon Horseshoe Lake its a murkey mosquito infested swamp. Why anyone would stop there was beyond me. But if you had the courage to make the tricky trip around the bend the lake opens up into this breath taking scene. I thought to myself, this is what heaven is. The feeing that you get when you first experience it must be... something sacred. This is true even with the rather chubby lads cliff jumping near by. And by cliff jumping I mean belly flopping so hard they could not move. Nothing could have ruined that moment. It was perfect.

OH, the pain!

On Friday evening I volunteered myself (and my good friend Rachie) to help our friend Rob paint his new room. I thought it would be nice and a nice way to distract myself. And I was right, a good time was had by all, though we aren't sure if it was legitimate fun or just the paint fumes. In any case in my fume-y stupor I threw out my back and didn't realize it until I got up on Saturday morning and could barely move. I think more than the painting it was sitting in a court room for the better part of a week that did it to me. Man, are courtrooms uncomfortable. Without divulging too much into the details (I've noticed it makes people uncomfortable to learn anything personal about their "friends" but another topic for another post) I spent the week in court trying to argue that my father should be supporting me. And sitting in very uncomfortable chairs. I have also spent the better part of this week arguing with my mom that no she can't have my computer because yes I do need it for school. I finally convinced Shaun to fix her computer, which is what I'm doing now. Yes me. Shaun left to go ref a hockey game and left me in charge. Anyone who knows me knows about my extraordinary ability to break a computer by looking at it. I don't think this is going to end well, but he seems to have confidence so who knows.

The randomness of this post reflects the randomness of my week and my life for that fact. Shaun marvels at the fact that I can get through it all, but I guess deep down I harbour this naive belief that it will all work out in the end. So far it's worked for me despite a number of incredible catastrophes. I'm ambivalent at this point about winning my court case. Rather I should call it my father's court case. That's right folks, he took me to court. And the judge is waiting until TUESDAY to give his verdict. See the need for the distraction? But its out of my hands so I have to move on. I've already wasted enough of my life on this and I'm not ready to waste anymore. New year, new beginning and all that jazz. And I'm lucky to have such good friends. People ask how I get through and I think its the same for anyone. Good friends, strong family.

My mom is an amazingly resilient person who survived a bitter and slanderous divorce (my father tried to convince the judge she was a jungle guerilla) losing custody of me, getting me back so severely malnourished the doctors thought for sure I'd have a learning disability, raising me on her own and encouraging me through dance lesson, swim lessons, karate lessons, surviving the death of her second husband, Bill, who we all love intensely, having enough love to deal with me through my teenage years and to still encourage me today. All of this and she never made much more than minimum wage working in a daycare, doesn't speak or understand English well and is now disabled.

Shaun is my pillar of strength and knows when to stop me from thinking myself into a tailspin. He loves me unconditionally and as I've said before, I hope everyone finds their "Shaun". I really have no words to describe him, and really its just a feeling. Rachel is probably my best friend, though I hesitate to use that word. It seems so 7th grade to me. Closest is probably a better measure. She's everything a good friend should be. Cheerful when I need cheering up and sympathetic when I need a shoulder to cry on or just someone to vent to. I have many other friends, many of whom I feel bad for leaving them off this post, but if I wrote about all the good friends I've had over the years I don't think I'd ever leave this computer. And alas, mom's computer is crying for attention.

I encourage all 3 of you who read this blog to think about the people who make your life possible and who stop you from going insane in all of those ARGHHHHH moments. When you look at it, no problem is really THAT important. Except happiness.

The importance of language

Recently in my methodology class we had a "discussion" about the theory of knowledge. Discussion is in quotations because it wasn't a discussion so much as it was one Master's students steam rolling all of us undergrads because she was under the impression that she was so much more knowledgeable. If she had something valuable to teach from her experience, I'd listen. But she doesn't. Among many things we talked about was the political nature of knowledge, the theory or math and the existence of reality. Without the pit bull of a Master's student it could have been a very interesting conversation.

Now, I cannot deny my training. I am a scientist. I am what I would like to term a positive-realist and that is how I view the world. It doesn't make it wrong, it's just one way of looking things. When I see a Tim Hortons cup, I see a paper cup for holding a hot beverage. I don't associate things with it. Not to the pit bull. The cup was representative of our collective experience as a society and blah blah blah... it was her way or the highway. God forbid she ever go into teaching. What if I don't see it that way?? Am I not entitled to my own beliefs and opinions? We then debated the nature of math. The Pit Bull again, contended that math is a social creation and those who had not been socialized like us would not understand it. Her idea was challenged by another, apparantly stupid undergrad, who said that even though some who had not been socialized like us may not understand the symbols, they would understand the concept of say four divided by 2.

She then took up the task of trying to convince us that every machine we've ever used has bias because it was built by humans. I'm of the opinion that in order to introduce bias an interpretation must be made. A particle accelerator is simply going to take measurements. It cannot decide which results to display and which to ignore. A computer with a camera that rated beauty would be introducing bias because it would be making an interpretation of beauty based on what its programmer told it.

And then, the ever important question of "If a tree falls in the forest and there's no one there to see it, does it still make a sound?" (A can of worms if I've ever seen one)

My opinion is that no it doesn't. The word sound has connotations of hearing. Which requires ears. I'm sure that the tree falling still causes vibrations which we interpret as hearing and sound when we are there. If we left an instrument there, it would measure these vibrations. But does the instrument hear the sound? She thinks I'm wrong and its just semantics. I'm just using different words to describe the same thing. She got off on some example of dogs running away when trees fall. That I still don't see the relevancy in.

But it can't be just semantics because language defines reality. It is one of the major ways in which we conceptualize our world. The inuit have like 30 different words for snow and we have one.

What do you think? If a tree falls in the forest and no one's there to hear it, does it still make a sound?

For your viewing pleasure

I have for your viewing pleasure randomly clicked on a number of pictures just to see what would show up. This is what I got. The two pictures of scenery are from my trip to Jasper this past July. The top one is of Maligne Lake and the bottom is taken from the top of Whistler's mountain in Jasper (where the tramway is). The second picture is of my "nephew" (okay, not really my nephew but my boyfriend's sister's fiance's son.. but really who wants to say that all the time!) The third picture is of Bailey (aka the she-devil) who is Shaun's sister's dog and the fourth picture is of Kodi, Shaun's parent's dog. We are a very pet friendly family. Tomorrow I will publish some more random pictures. If only I could find my Vegas and Montreal pictures. You will notice that there are no people in my pictures (Amanda took that picture of Dorrian) because I believe that people ruin pictures. People will never be as beautiful as the world, therefore I dont' want them ruining my pictures. I also hate having my picture taken. Dean and his disposable camera at TA used to drive me crazy!

I was recently pondering the amount of waste that exists in our society. That's not true. I was actually pondering the immense amount of reading I have to do this weekend. Most notably Bob's insistence on single-handedly destroying the global forest by giving me a gargantuan stack of hand-outs to read. And a weekly discussion paper to write. The worst part? I pay the University 400 dollars a course for this! Plus text-books. They say (whoever "they" really are) that I will benefit someday from this torture and that it will all be worth it in the end. But really where is "the end"? WHEN is "the end"? When I die? Life is about learning and all that jazz, but I like watching the food network all day. And some would say, "Ahh! But you are learning to cook when you watch the food network!" But I enjoy cooking! I don't enjoy reading about global information systems, social research methods, Canadian Politics or the metaphors and language used to describe the environment. I can't lie, I do enjoy geography immensely, enough to make it my life's work. But I don't really want to grow up and go out into the world. I like being a kid.

On the plus side, tonight is games night, always a riot! I get to play my new Price is Right DVD game! Really its just an excuse to make me pay 30 dollars for a bunch of commercials but I don't care. Advertising doesn't bother me as much as it seems to bother others. Maybe because I'm so eccentric (as Shaun puts it). Anywho, the mice have taken over, Lucky is going crazy and my mom is being forced to go through all her crap and throw it away. If she doesn't, I'll just throw it away when she's not looking!

Of mice and men

So we have mice. This is something that Lucky finds delightful. In all of her hunting prowess she's forgotten that she's supposed to kill the rotten things and instead plays with them. She inadvertently killed one from playing too roughly but the second one got away. My mom doesn't want us to set traps because it would be killing an innocent creature and she thinks we should let Lucky the Mouser take care of it. Like I'm going to leave it in the paws of Lucky. She caught a (dead) bird over the summer and carried it around like her trophy. She didn't even kill the damned thing herself!

I have also discovered the scanning properties of my new printer (bought on boxing day for 59 bucks!) and am scanning anything I can get my hands on. So for your viewing pleasure I present... PICTURES! (it won't let me put them here, so I put them at the top. Just a random assortment. I'll find more.)

(after all they are worth a thousand words)

An Ode to Alberta

Alberta is full of charm. She has her idiosyncrasies and her bad habits but she's loveable. Only in Alberta would you find a town where people drive pick up trucks and mini vans exclusively. Most residents of Red Deer do not need to drive a pick up truck, they just do. Only in Alberta will you find the quaint city of Edmonton, too shy to shout its glory from the rooftops and the bustling city of Calgary, often times shouting its glory a little prematurely. The cities of Lethbridge and Medicine Hat chugging along, minding their own business. Lloydminster and its split personality. Only Edmontonians can claim to be the worst drivers in the country and Calgarians the angriest. Our list of World's Largest is shocking (world's largest duck anyone?) and our rocky mountains majestic (compared to Colorado's "piddly dinky rockies" as one caller put it). Banff in all its commercial glory and it's little brother Jasper who wants to grow up but we hope will stay young. I love our oil (and the 400 dollar cheque), our beef, our grain and our people. I'm not a conservative, but I still love it here!

Can any one tell I'm bored at work? ;)

What is marriage?

Shaun and I got to pondering today about really what makes a marriage a marriage. I think it was mostly me doing the pondering, this subject seems to make him queasy and uncomfortable. Maybe he thinks I'm hinting; I'm not. We were pondering this because last night his sister's fiance was cross-checked from behind (he plays competitive hockey in case you were wondering) and dislocated his ankle and broke his leg. He was in Rocky Mtn. House when he did this and could not be treated there and instead had to come back to Edmonton where he is now waiting for surgery. This is after he took a stick to the eye earlier in the season requiring him to have eye surgery because it tore his retina. The doctor advised him not to play hockey for the duration of the season. Apparently he didn't listen. Shaun and I have always wondered about his insistence on playing such competitive hockey mostly because it seemed to detract from the time he spent with Shaun's sister. It worries us because we really just want her to be happy. As much as Shaun claims to hate her and as much as they fight, I know that he loves his sister and not in that "I love you because mom said I had to" way. We want her to have everlasting love and happiness and all the goopy things people say at weddings. I genuinely hope she has it.

And really what makes a marriage? If you're religious a marriage requires vows and God and church and the like (neither Shaun or I are religious so I'm not actually qualified to say...) but does that actually give you a marriage? Many religious leaders say that a marriage is between a man and a women. Is it really? I'm not saying this rhetorically or snidely or sarcastically or anything. I'm asking the question: is it really? Because I really don't know. Do you need rings and a white dress and a fancy party where you will receive far too many breadmakers for one household? Do you need two people of the opposite gender? Do you need to spend $5,000 on a photographer??? Britney Spears probably spent hundreds of thousands of dollars on her wedding and I wouldn't call that a marriage in a million years.

To me a marriage has to be a partnership. I have to know that my better half has my back 100% of the time and is always looking out for my best interests. I will do the same in return. I have to know that my partner is there for me unconditionally. And I have to know them. Really know them. I'm not talking knowing their favorite color. I mean KNOW them. (Hmm... my fancy formatting buttons have disappeared.) And they have to know me. I think this is true of all people regardless of their personal beliefs. So why do we let personal belief interfere? It turns a pure thing like love into an ugly hotly contested political debate revolving around who we should be allowed to love. Leave it alone. I just hope everyone is as lucky as I finds and a "Shaun." If people do decide to marry I hope they give marriage some serious thought before investing themselves, a lot of money and, above all, a lot of time returning the 39 breadmakers they didn't need.

Where have all the tourists gone?

Where have all the tourists gone? In an increasingly computer saavy world many tourists are simply opting to do their own research and plan their own trips. But what about me? I studied intensively (yeah, right!) for two weeks to be able to help tourists maximize their time in our great province but no one is calling! Emails and web requests up the wazoo, but no calls! Do we live in such an impersonal world now that most people would rather stare at a computer screen than listen to my delightful voice. I, personally, would rather talk to a real for 45 minutes than get increasingly frustrated with my computer and huck it out the window. Perhaps I'm just not as computer saavy as the rest but who needs a computer when you have it all right up here (she says as she points to her head)? And we wonder why we're so stressed out. I think its sad that people are able to profit from our frazzled-ness by opening a spa and charging 300 dollars an hour for relaxation. Sad thing is people are willing to pay. I used to work at a spa, I should know. Vacations are a good way to relax (unless of course you're vacationing with me. Then plan a vacation for after your vacation) and they cost about the same as some spa treatments. Go see the world! See it before our selfish consumer driven society wipes it out and there's nothing left to see. Or before the US requires an MRI scan of your body before they'll let you through their border. Because really, when you're old its not the millions of dollars in your bank account that will make you happy, it's the experiences you have.

Back from "vacation"

This past weekend Shaun and I took a mini vacation down to Calgary. In our defense going to Calgary is technically going south. I did all the things a good Travel Alberta Specialist does. I booked my hotel room in advance (very nice, despite the temperature control issues), printed off my Holiday Card coupons (that's right folks, just cuz I work for the tourism board doesn't mean I travel for free or even cheap) and set off early. I am a bad specialist because I did what we tell everyone not to do: I super-loaded my 3 days. I went to Canmore and Kananaskis and Zoolights the first day, I did the Glenbow and Canada Olympic Park (COP) the second day and, well, today I just ate. A fabulous brunch, which I totally ignored in favor of the chocolate fountain. And Krispy Kreme. And we were planning on hitting Peter's Drive Thru... but it was closed. Since when is New Year's a family holiday??? What a good start to my New Year's resolution to get in shape. I used my brand new suitcase (Kudos to Aunty for getting me something useful) on this trip and it was perfect. First time I was able to pack in one bag (the concept of packing light is completely lost on me.)

For anyone heading down to Calgary I would strongly recommend Petra:Lost City of Stone at the Glenbow and bobsledding at COP. Both were excellent. I think that's all I have to say for now. Oh, one more thing. Remember ladies: Always spend more than your husband makes; it'll keep him motivated!